No Jobs Class of 2009

Is this news to you? It’s not to me. I’ve been looking for jobs, I know there’s not much out there. The last thing I need is Lee Cox telling me, “there’s hope, but at the same time it kinda feels hopeless,” (Man, Lee really gets this deconstruction stuff). If that statement was meant to be useful in whatever way, it wasn’t. In fact, there’s not much usefulness in this report except for the fact that if you start Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon on the third time Meredith Vieira blinks, it synchs up perfectly with the video. It looks like Lee Cox is dancing to “Money” (how ironic) and it is particularly striking when “Us and Them” plays during the Meredith Vieira – Christine Bozan interview. But if you have a burned copy of the album, don’t bother. It only works with the vinyl.

“Time” was probably the most depressing song they could have chosen for the piece, although it does perfectly predict where I will be in a few short weeks: “kickin’ around on a piece of ground in my hometown,” while I “fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.” That song used to be great when I was in high school and had time to waste. But NBC had to go and give it a new and terrible meaning. Let’s hope Pink Floyd isn’t too prophetic: “And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.” Thanks NBC. 

Did you hear that? I don’t know what else this Eric Sorenson guy is saying, but he just said that the class of 2009 consists of the most talented young people in history. Wow…I’m beaming with pride. With all my talent and the forming of the “perfect storm,” maybe I can just hit those Hollywood hills.

Why is it that every news story on job loss has to have one person who used to help people find jobs now searching for a job of their own? Are we supposed to be surprised? Obviously if there aren’t any jobs to recruit for a recruiter won’t be in business. Are we supposed to marvel at how clever the media are? I guess it’s kind of ironic that Brian Gerard, who spent 20 years finding jobs for recent graduates, is now searching for a job of his own. But it certainly isn’t informative. Why don’t they interview people from businesses in the sectors that are actually hiring so those of us ready to graduate can have a clue of what they’re looking for? Or maybe, the media could show someone who has found a job? In the world according to the major networks, everyone is unemployed and struggling. Without money, according to the media, we are all hopeless wanderers with no direction in our lives. And so what if people have to settle for less pay. God forbid someone has to cut down on their Dunkin’ Donuts consumption, trips to the tanning bed, and acryllic nails.

So this lady at the end is a career coach. She’s giving all this advice about finding a job but everyone knows it’s easier said than done. It’s like a basketball coach telling a bunch of fourth graders tripping over their shoelaces to run a pick and roll. It all works on the playsheet, but it’s a disaster on the court. I can picture her giving some inspirational speech before an interview but then making me run suicides when I blow the opportunity. Or maybe she’s the type that just yells nonsense and blows a whistle in my ear as I Google the ever-specific search term “jobs.” It reminds me of this tennis coach I had that was blind in one eye and grossly out of shape. He tried to teach us how to serve, but he couldn’t do it himself. Consequently, I couldn’t serve well until three years later…hopefully it doesn’t take that long to find a job.

I guess the advice at the end of the piece may have some value, if you make it that far before hiding under your covers and never coming out. Ya, after four years of college and two degrees I can’t wait to work for the sales department for a development company. That’s such good advice that it’s not only not what I went to college for but it’s totally against my ideology. From my point of view, we are far too overdeveloped. As I write this, however, an evil plot is forming in my head: I’ll sabotage some development company by working “for” them. Hahahaha…woe be to the sorry soul who hires me. 

Well, obviously I have no time to continue writing this blog. I have to go look for jobs. Hopefully the development company I’m about to apply to won’t read this. Maybe I’ll get lucky and I’ll get some office job licking envelopes and stapling papers together for the rest of my life. 

“The time is gone, college is over, thought I’d something more to say.”